If you are like most people, you won’t want to air your ‘dirty laundry’ where other people can see or hear. For many couples this means their idea of relationship self-help doesn’t include a relationship counselor. So where do you turn, when getting relationship help is something you need and you don’t want to see a therapist? One place you can look when you have relationship problems is on the internet, oddly enough.
At the end of the day, it will be up to the two of you to make your relationship work and you can do this easily enough with the range of resources and great relationship books available online. You can check out forums based on questions about relationship issues if you are not sure where to begin your self-help journey. You can read about the recommendations about great self-help resources and advice from the people who visit these forums.
Sometimes you come across a great tip which works really well for you, but do be careful about the level of expertise of the people giving advice. I would have greater faith in books written by qualified authors as a general rule, but that’s just me.
Getting started right away is the best way to begin, so here are a few tips to get you pointed in the right direction:
Tip 1 –
Please don’t be offended if I ask you a delicate question, or two – are you sure that your partner wants the same things you do from this relationship? Are they the right one for you if you are looking for a long-term relationship? Are they ready to ‘settle down’ if that is what you want right now?
Many relationship troubles start because only one of you actually wants more from the relationship, or is actively trying to make it work. Unfortunately, when one person is doing all the work and the other isn’t doing anything, it makes it very hard going.
Once that person gets tired of it and stops, the relationship just dries up and blows away.
If your relationship is like this, you know it is going to be hard work, if it is not impossible to revive your relationship. Maybe it is better in cases like this to call it quits and move on.
Tip 2 –
If you have decided that your relationship is definitely worth saving and your partner is at least willing to give it a try with you, then you can go onto to the next step. This is all about the two of you getting together in a relaxed environment, sitting down and working out what the issues are. You will need to be honest here, as much with yourself as with your partner, and commit to working on the issues at hand. You will need to be careful to focus on the problems and not to hurl blame at each other. You must find a better way responding to each other on a daily basis.
Tip 3 –
Be aware that healing your relationship will take time and effort. It will not be fixed over-night as much as you both want it to be, but you can start by being more loving and kinder with each other from now on. So, don’t give up. It will work, but it might take longer than you think before you start to see some positive changes.
The basics of relationship self-help mean that you are both willing to identify the issues and are committed to working together to find solutions that benefit you both. Changing habits takes time, so be patient with yourself and each other.
If you need further help, or just need some guidelines on how to proceed, get some good relationship books.
Sometimes you don’t know where to start because you lack understanding about how relationships work and what makes people tick. This is when getting some relationship self-help books and resources are absolutely ideal – you can work on it in your own time, and privately, and these resources can give both of you great topics to explore together and talk about.