Recently, a lady came to see me and she had successfully stopped smoking with me and as she had enjoyed the success after 30 years of trying and failing to stop smoking, she was so happy that she felt capable of doing anything. She brought in what looked like a shopping list of things in her life that she wanted to change!
Just last week, I also got an email from someone that receives this ezine of mine, and they wanted all sorts of different things to happen in their life, and couldn’t decide what to focus on. So, this month, I thought I’d give you some pointers on helping yourself to know how to know what you want. Sounds a bit confusing, let me put that more simply; “How to know what you want.”
In the late 1990s, and during most of the time I have ever been emloyed, I was doing jobs that I found to be unsatisfactory or that I simply did not enjoy. WHen I did my first self-hypnosis course and learned some of the main aspects of NLP, I was amazed by the resources that already existed within me and as I learned more about modern ideas of personal development, two questions became more and more insightful to me. Those two questions were (and still are..)
“What do you want?” and “How will you know you’ve got it?”
As the questions came up more and more, I realised I had not applied them to my self as I should have done. What did I want? The more I asked myself that question, the less I knew the answer. However, I was sure of the fact that I didn’t want to keep doing what I was doing, and that the personal development fields I was discovering were to be involved with my future somehow.
So, as you stop and think with regards to your own situation in life, in whatever aspect of it, or of your life as a whole (not a hole!) have a good think and identify anything that is currently part of your life that you want to let go of in the future. Really think about that.
Almost everyone has examples of one sort or another. What about these ideas;
– A current job you don’t enjoy.
– Unwanted habits that cause you problems.
– Unable to spend time doing things that make you happy.
– A dissatisfying relationship.
– A belief about yourself that doesn’t serve you well.
Take a few moments and figure out what you no longer wish to have in your life. As per all my previous rantings, remember not to ficus on them too heavily, just know what they are for now.
FOllowing that first discovery of self-hypnosis and the things I learned within it, I progressed to studying hypnotherapy, NLP, Emotional Intelligence, I went on courses all over the world, read hundreds of books, listened to audio programmes on hundreds of topics, I trained in all sorts of other therapies too. Even after all that, I still was unsure about what I really wanted, but I did know what I didn’t want and I also knew what sort of direction I wanted to go in, and so I handed in my notice at work!
I knew that I wanted to have lots of time to spend furthering my studies, I knew that I wanted to have financial freedom and that I wanted to be doing work that fulfilled me and helped others, that I wanted to continue having lots of fun, excitement and adventure and of course that I wanted to be happy and wonderfully peaceful in myself. You have the benefit of someone else telling you how that happened to them so you do not have to embark on the same lengthy process, instead, you can follow the same steps in a far, far shorter period of time.
So, once you have identified the things that you would love to let go of or move away from in your life, the next step to take is to identify anything that is part of your life that you definitely want to continue in the future.
We all have good things in our lives; all of us. Some of us may not think so, but we do. Identify those aspects of your life you definitely choose to continue to have. They can include things like good health, intimate friendships, your home, feelings of happiness, a loving family, excitement and discovery or your income.
Then, once you have made sure of some (or all) of the wonderful things in your life you wish to continue, you can identify anything you would like to become part of your life in the future. Think about what you want in the future.
If you have sometimes had difficulty knowing what you wanted in the past, it can be good to choose big-scale things rather than small specifics. Think about what it is that you definitely want in your life in the future, no matter what? This may include a loving relationship, a better income, fulfilling work, intimate friendships, personal development, good quality health and fitness, a sense of real happiness and other wonderful feelings.
These are examples of the big scale things, next you can begin to become more specific about them however, be careful not to overspecify, by that I mean if you want to have fulfilling work, but you don’t know what you want to do, get specific about what has to happen for your work to be fulfilling, for example working with people, being outdoors, making a difference, able to learn something new everyday and so on – whatever ‘fulfilling’ means to you. Remember to think about what fulfilling really means to you and not just think about the examples that I have given here; that may not really be what you truly find to be fulfilling.
It is not necessary to be specific about what that work would necessarily be. Just set your target as ‘fulfilling work’, go through how you’ll know you’ve got it, then let your unconscious mind do it’s magic.
So, you can see and begin to get a handle on what it is that you really want and once you know that, you can begin to work towards how to get that. You can go through other articles of mine to find out how to do that more easily.